October 20, 2009

My Vegan-Sexual Stance

There is no ‘vegan ruling’ on who vegans can be sexual with. It just seems to be a natural occurrence for some vegans (especially long-time vegans) to lose desire to be sexually intimate with non-vegans. Someone asked me “Don’t you find it hard to be a vegansexual?” My response was “No, not at all. We carry the vegan ethic with us in all our daily actions. I simply am not attracted to a person that won’t see the Truth that we should not enslave, exploit, kill, and torment other conscious and feeling beings. What kind of a relationship could we possibly have if we didn’t share this?" For me, the more expanded compassion and sense of justice that a person has, the easier it is to love them and be attracted to them.

When we enter into a relationship with someone, we know that it is going to shape, reform and influence us...I want to be surrounded by a vegan consciousness; whether the person came to me that way or needed a shove in the form of 'a love reality' to get there. If someone were open to changing because of my inspiration, I would be attracted to this. I believe in the ‘power of Love’ as a tool of elevation and growth. If someone has been exposed to veganism and leans towards it, but doesn’t make the commitment, I would not be intimately attracted to this person, even if they were brilliant in many other ways. It is a very deciding factor, for me, for being sexually attracted to a person.

Secondly, it is a bit repulsive to kiss/exchange fluids with a non-vegan, for obvious reasons. When I “rose in love” with a man (in years past) and he was not vegan, but willing to become vegan, he would go on a ‘cleansing of the body’ regime. In this scenario, I took the sexual thing more slowly (more snuggling and talking) and helped the person “veganize”. When I converted from being a carnivore, I did many fasts and colon cleanses. I wanted to get all the putrefied flesh and animal secretions out of my system! (I have a "clean" thing...this could just be my own obsessiveness; nothing to do with ethics.) I've climbed to higher and higher consciousness with the vegan ideal through our 33 beloved years together; reaching for different ledges. One level was to make “a stand” that I would never be intimate with a non-vegan. I felt if someone really loved me for who I am, they would surely ‘rise to the occasion’. (And I'm not the type that wants sex without love (fairly popular these days); the whole purpose of sexual encounters for me is to create more love, literally.)

I chose the stance that I want to live my life by. For me, having ideals, principles and ethics are more important than having a relationship with a person. However, having them both together can be a real high! If I can recall from memory, there’s not much better in life than the uniting of souls that commit to evolving together. And since veganism is humankind’s next evolutionary step, a quality relationship would have veganism as its foundation, from my perspective. Remember, my vegan-sexual stance is my perspective and not necessarily what other vegans feel. Other vegans are welcome to leave their thoughts in a comment.

12 comments:

Elizabeth Collins said...

Thanks for articulating how I feel. I was lucky because I was single when I went vegan and so didn't have to deal with a relationship issue on top of everything else. That being said, some people go vegan together that must be wonderful. I agree with you though, I would rather be alone too, not everyone feels this way and I understand, but I do feel this way so it is nice to read this lovely article. :-)

Corey Wrenn said...
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Anonymous said...

Beautifully articulated. Many people I know do not understand why I could not be with someone that is not vegan. They ask, "But what if he were perfect but not vegan?" I answer, then he would not be perfect. I could not share the journey of my life with someone that did not share my views on animal exploitation and veganism.

Pam said...

It makes me sad to reflect on the fact that my ex-husband's meat eating was more of a factor in our parting than I ever realized. I was a vegetarian when we married, but soon saw the big picture and became vegan. Over the years, it became harder and harder for me to feel comfortable in my own home. I tried to hide my revulsion when he wanted to kiss me after eating meat, but it was no use - it grossed me out. Although he "tolerated" my veganism, and respected my dietary choices, it became impossible for me to deal with seeing a bloody slab of meat in my refrigerator, sometimes dripping on my veggies below, or watch him picking a chicken apart, piece by piece. In the end, it was really about his choice not to embrace a philosophy of non-violence, and the great divide that inevitably widened between us.

Anonymous said...

Pam, your comment was really well written and really struck a nerve with me. My ex boyfriend and I went through the same thing. It wasn't so big of a deal when I was vegetarian, but when I saw the big picture and went vegan, I felt like he put up with it, and even respected it, but never fully embraced it. I kept trying to be okay with his meat eating but it was so difficult, and in the end it was a major factor in our breakup. I kept trying to love him for who he was and not push my beliefs, but after awhile it just took its toll. Also, all of his friends and family were omnis so it was always awkward when they would make jokes and treat me like some sort of freak. He never understood why I was hurt because of this, and ultimately, it became too much for me to handle.

Nick S said...
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Vegan Poet said...
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SYNCHRONICITY SCOUT said...

Hmmm, hadn't thought of this before, but now realize that it is one of the qualifiers that I might use when entering into relationship. Just seems natural... [Present partner is Indian, a born vegetarian!, but (thinks she) must eat some meat because of anemia...Not often and tries to keep it away from me.]
Now that I've read your point of view, I understand...just as some won't link with drinkers or smokers or other drug addicts... Thanks.

Julie said...

I feel very lucky to have found someone special who is also vegan. I would not have been happy to be with someone who didn't share my beliefs or lifestyle. He's also a very good vegan cook.

Flavia said...
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Anonymous said...

Aloha M Butterflies Katz and everyone, thanks for the great post and sparking a great discussion. As a Vegan male of 23 years I have lived in BC Canada most of that time. I would still be single if I chose to say i will only date or be in relationship with Vegans. I believe it is my Karma even when I was on Maui for a year, i never met a Vegan that shared a mutual sexual attraction with me. I believe it is just my karma in this life to be challenged by being in situations where my friends lovers and me are quite different in politics diet and lifestyle. I realized this and accepted this situation. In fact I am now married to Kathleen the woman i have loved for 24 years. Though we did not begin a relationship until 5 years ago, it has been bliss. She is a carnivore. So is her daughter and the cat too. I feel she is respectful and honours my commitment to being Vegan and we love each other. I am one happy Vegan. Still I loved reading and honouring M decision to be vegansexual and her willingness to share her experience. There are challenges in whatever path a vegan choses sexually and issues to face. I am glad we are all talking about it.. and sharing Aloha Al Reford Victoria BC Canada

West Coaster said...

I feel so incredibly fortunate to be in a loving relationship with a man who absolutely shares my values about animals. He also identifies as feminist. I honestly cannot imagine ever being with someone again who does not share my core values. Of course we are different in many ways, but our shared concern for animals, and commitment to ending ALL forms of oppression, is really what attracted us to each other. Both of us were in other relationships earlier in life that met different needs at the time…or didn't. But we actively sought out a partnership based on shared values, rather than simple attraction, and are so happy we did! Personalities and chemistry have to click, of course, and no relationship is without it's challenges…but I would encourage anyone and everyone still looking for that special someone…be true to your vegan heart.